After all that had happened -- especially those concerning my academic standing and personal struggles, I became a persecutor of the Church. Despite this, God came to my assistance. Embraced me. Loved me as He always does.
My faith had remained immature. I was tested. I failed. BUT God never gave up on me. He concretize everything so that my blind eyes will be able to see the splendor of His plan. He gave me an opportunity of attaining salvation NOW.
Weak as I am, His strength dominated mine.
For the fourth time, I stood up for something I never dreamnt of. Taking into consideration my pride as triggered by 'my' capabilities and relatively laudable academic performance, it is hard for me to swallow all the ambitions away -- the possibility of becoming rich and famous 'just' to follow His will.
Life away from Him, manly speaking is more pleasurable. I would be a TOTAL hypocrite if I will say that I do not enjoy sins of lust, greed, envy, anger, sloth, pride, and gluttony. I am a slave of the world myself.
These known, God continues to tap me. He sent people to bring me back to the reality that He died for me amidst my sinfulness and His plan is better than mine. He reminded me how precariousness on certain circumstances on the past justified that when things don't go my way, they fit into their proper places at the right time.
Conversion, with God, is possible. It is a 'joyful' undertaking despite suffering.
A BioChem student as I am, God helped me come to the realization of a BioChemist's real essence. He made science a way for me to realize that complex patterns at the molecular level are something man cannot synthesize justifying Someone divine who had created these magnificent occurences,
Becoming a person of science is like a child's dream come true. Being able to study towards the attainment of that goal is really a gift from God. But He never stopped on that. He called me to be of service to the Church, something I never imagined looking back at my history. The heart-pounding [occurs just when the one presiding the celebration hints calling for vocation; in spite of normal heart rates before and after the call], knee-shaking [this really happens], tear-jerking [believe me, I cried a lot], mind-breaking [scenes of how God loves me versus tableaus of how successful and 'happy' I may be], and arm-tighting [when one holds to his chair for resistance, LOLz] feelings were there even if it was my fourth time to stand up and answer what I supposed His call..
Upon reflection of these four "stand-ups" [sorry for the term], God helped me realize how my experience vary from the first, the second, the third and the fourth.
The first was after I 'left' my community and just attended the National Youth Pilgrimage primarily to tour IloIlo City.
The second and third were on Sydney where God showed me His love that transcended borders and moved me to buckets of tears.
And fourth was amidst my doubts and insecurities.
On this four happenings, God did not fail to surprise me.
I am unworthy of His love. Upon scrutinizing some readings from the Bible, however, God reminded me that I am never on this battle alone; that unworthy as I am, He chooses me...HE LOVES ME.
To end this entry, let me quote the last passage I was able to scrutinize: "Knowing this, we pray continually that our God will make you worthy of his call." (2 Th 1:11)
Now, am more certain of His call. [After my hibernation, guess I will be seeing Jose Luis again.] I still insist that He calls me to modelling too, though [that explains the picture I included on this entry]. :))
Like me, He might be calling you too. Pray for me that I may be able to defend this gift and be worthy of His call -- as stated on the aforementioned passage. Please and thank you very much. May GOD bless us MORE.
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